I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
