I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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