after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
