opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
