my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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