they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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