I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
