i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
