Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
