When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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