either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
