A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
