Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
