My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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