He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
