honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
