i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
