So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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