I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
