Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize