The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
