ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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