Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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