She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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