is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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