hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
