He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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