dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I am morally bankrupt
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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