Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
