I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
