I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
