Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
