i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
