how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
