Moan for me like Helen Keller
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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