I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
