haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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