remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just threw up on my dentist
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
