When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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