Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
