I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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