1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are the jesus of drinking
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
