First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize