about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The air was thick with penises
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
