no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
