he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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