If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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