Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
