i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
