Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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