that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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