He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
