come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
