She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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