the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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