Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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