Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
