shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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