im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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