she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
