Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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