Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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