So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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