Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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