After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
