Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize