Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
