Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize